The Best of Matt Barker of Buckeye Banter: Michigan Week Jokes & One-Liners

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Did you know I use to be a stand-up comedian? All of these at one time were posted as a Facebook status during Michigan Week @ www.facebook.com/buckeyebanter.

– The University of Michigan: Putting the “UM” in DUMB since 1817.

– Practice in Ann Arbor was delayed for two hours yesterday when one of the players happened to look down and noticed a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the field. RichRod immediately suspended practice as the FBI was called in, who later determined that the substance was actually the goal line. Practice resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not encounter the substance again.

– BuckeyeBanter.com has just learned that Michigan head coach Rich Rodriguez is only going to dress 20 players for the Ohio State game on Saturday. I guess over the course of 11 games so far this season, the other 80 players have learned to get dressed by themselves.
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Buckeyes earn split during NYC trip



Ohio State’s Evan Turner goes up for two against California in the 2K Sports Classic
at Madison Square Garden in New York, Friday night. (Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)


Evan Turner scored 26 points with 14 rebounds to lead the 15th-ranked Ohio State Buckeyes to a 76-70 win over No. 13 California in the third-place game of the 2K Sports Classic benefiting Coaches vs. Cancer at Madison Square Garden in New York, Friday night.

While winning one of two contests against ranked opponents was a decent showing, the Buckeyes did not put together a complete 40-minute game during their trip to the Big Apple. Click here to read more >>

Football Friday Preview: OSU vs. Michigan

Michigan Wolverines (5-6, 1-6 Big Ten)
vs.
No. 8/9 Ohio State Buckeyes (9-2, 6-1 Big Ten)
Saturday, November 21
12:00 p.m. ET
Michigan Stadium – Ann Arbor, MI
TV: ABC Sports with Sean McDonough and Matt Millen in the booth. Holly Rowe is the sideline reporter.
Radio: WBNS-AM 1460 The Fan in Columbus is the flagship station for the 73-station Ohio State Radio Network. The Jim Tressel Pregame Show airs 30 minutes prior to kickoff. “Big Daddy” Paul Keels will call the play-by-play and will be assisted by former Buckeye Jim Lachey in the booth and Marty Bannister on the sidelines.
Weather: Mostly cloudy skies and a game time temperature of 49 degrees.
Latest Line: Ohio State is a 11.5-point favorite. The Over/Under is 47.5
Series History: Michigan leads the all-time series with Ohio
State by a 57-42-6 count. Since 1951, though, the Buckeyes hold a 30-26-2 lead, including victories in seven of the eight games during the Jim Tressel era. Ohio State has won the last five meetings with Michigan.
Last Time Out: The Buckeyes won 42-7 in Columbus, last year.

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Hoop Scoop: North Carolina

Deon ThompsonRight: North Carolina’s Deon Thompson averages a team-leading 17.7 points per game. (AP Photo)

The 15th-ranked Ohio State Buckeyes travel to the Big Apple to take on the sixth-ranked North Carolina Tar Heels in the semifinals of the 2K Sports Classic benefiting Coaches v. Cancer, Thursday night. Tip-off at Madison Square Garden is scheduled for 9:15 p.m. ET, and the game will be televised on ESPN 2 with Dan Shulman, Bob Knight, Dick Vitale and Doris Burke.

As always, you can hear the game all across the state on the 60-station Ohio State Buckeyes Radio Network with “Big Daddy” Paul Keels and former Buckeye Ron Stokes. WBNS outlets 97.1 FM and 1460 AM are the flagship stations in Columbus.

North Carolina, the defending national champion, is currently 3-0 with wins over Florida International (88-72), North Carolina Central (89-42), and Valparaiso (88-77).

But these Tar Heels are not quite the same ones that were clipping down the nets at the end of last season. Gone from the title team are UNC’s top four scorers from a year ago: Tyler Hansbrough, Ty Lawson, Wayne Ellington and Danny Green. Combined those four averaged 66.2 points per game, so that’s a huge chunk of offense that either graduated or left early for the NBA. Click here to read more >>

Know the Foe: Michigan

Tate ForcierRight: TATER TOT – So this is the starting quarterback that promised to get Michigan to a bowl game? Good luck with that. (AP Photo)

Michigan head coach Rich Rodriguez is in his second year at the helm of the Wolverines, and after going 3-9 in 2008, he’s doing slightly better this season, but not by much.

Before Rodriguez’ arrival to Ann Arbor, Michigan had winning seasons for 40-straight years and received 33-straight postseason bowl invites. That all changed last year. And it doesn’t look like 2009 will bring the Wolverines a winning season or a trip to the postseason, either.

Michigan got off to a fine start, winning their first four games which included a 38-34 victory over then-No. 18 Notre Dame. Since then, though, the Wolverines have gone winless against FBS (Division I-A) opponents. Thier only win since September came against FCS (Division I-AA) member Delaware State.

At one time, Michigan was ranked as high as No. 22 in the AP college football poll. They entered the elite list based solely on the fact that the Wolverines defeated a ranked Fighting Irish squad. Of course, that was a long time ago. Both coaches, Rodriguez and Notre Dame’s Charlie Weis, are on the hot seat now. Click here to read more >>

2008: Big plays buoyed Buckeyes

Brian HartlineRight: Brian Hartline hauls in a perfect strike from Terrelle Pryor for a 53-yard touchdown in the second quarter. (AP Photo)

This is the game recap I wrote here on BuckeyeBanter.com for last year’s Ohio State-Michigan game published on November 23, 2008:

The domination continued for a fifth-straight year as Ohio State easily defeated Michigan 42-7 in front of 105,564 fans at Ohio Stadium, Saturday afternoon.

The 35-point victory was the second-largest margin for Ohio State over Michigan since the Buckeyes defeated the Wolverines 38-0 back in 1935, and it also gave head coach Jim Tressel a 7-1 record vs. Michigan during his eight-year tenure.

So where’s the rivalry?

Ohio State got off to a slow start and avoided a costly mistake early in the first quarter on their first possession when Terrelle Pryor was intercepted by Stevie Brown at the OSU 47 yard line and returned it 34 yards down to the 13. Click here to read more >>

2007: Beanie and the “D” bring title home

Beanie WellsRight: Beanie Wells had a big day rushing for 222 yards and two scores vs. Michigan, Saturday afternoon. (AP Photo)

This is the game recap I wrote here on BuckeyeBanter.com for the 2007 Ohio State-Michigan game published on November 19, 2007:

A Michigan fan told me that the raindrops falling down at Michigan Stadium were actually tears from former head coach Bo Schembechler, who had to witness another loss to Ohio State from heaven.

Chris “Beanie” Wells rushed for 222 yards and two touchdowns to lead the Buckeyes to an outright Big Ten title as Ohio State defeated Michigan 14-3, Saturday afternoon.

The win moved Ohio State up to No. 5 in all of the major polls including the BCS standings, which were released today.

Also with the win over Michigan, the Buckeyes will, at the very least, play in the Rose Bowl against a yet-to-be determined opponent. Currently, No. 7 Arizona State tops the Pac-10 with a one-game lead over USC and Oregon, though the Sun Devils still have to play Southern Cal and Arizona. Click here to read more >>

2006: The Game…of the Century

Beanie WellsRight: Troy Smith more than likely wrapped up the Heisman Trophy, passing for 316 yards and four TDs as Ohio State defeated Michigan, 42-39, Saturday afternoon. (AP Photo)

This is the game recap I wrote here on BuckeyeBanter.com for the 2006 Ohio State-Michigan game published on November 19, 2006:

The battle between college football’s two top-ranked teams generated the biggest TV audience for a regular season games in 13 years.

Ohio State vs. Michigan on ABC averaged a 13.4 rating and 21.8 million viewers, according to a fast national report from Nielsen Media Research, the biggest audience since a Florida State-Notre Dame contest on Nov. 13, 1993.

The country’s eyes were squarely on Columbus, Ohio.

On game day, the atmosphere all over the city was very electric. It didn’t matter if you were in the campus-area or Clintonville, near the stadium or in the Arena District. There just was a certain buzz that gave you goosebumps as kickoff time drew near.
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2005: Buckeyes overcome mistakes, Michigan to claim share of title

Antonio Pittman

Above: Ohio State’s Antonio Pittman scores the game-winning touchdown as
the Buckeyes earned a hard-fought 25-21 victory over Michigan.
(AP Photo)


This is the game recap I wrote here on BuckeyeBanter.com for the 2005 Ohio State-Michigan game published on November 19, 2005:

How do you quickly silence 111,591 people at a “Big House” party? Try going on a twelve-play, 88-yard scoring drive that is capped off by a three-yard touchdown run with 24 seconds left in the game to earn a share of the Big Ten championship.

That worked really well for the ninth-ranked Ohio State Buckeyes, who came away with a 25-21 win over their hated rival, the 17th-ranked Michigan Wolverines, on Saturday at Michigan Stadium. The scarlet and gray clad Buckeyes made the “Big House” seem more like a big library. Click here to read more >>

Tressel Talk – Michigan Week

Coach TresselRight: Coach Tressel speaking to reporters and other people who wondered off the street at the Jack Nicklaus Museum, Monday afternoon. (Photo via Blackberry)

For eleven weeks, head coach Jim Tressel conducts his weekly press luncheon on Tuesday, but that all changes for Michigan Week, as it’s held on Monday at the Jack Nicklaus Museum.

It’s also shorter in length and “The Vest” condenses his opening statements before delving into the questions asked by the reporters.

Coach Tressel started out with this:

Someone described this month as tough, tougher and toughest. And we’ve battled through the tough and the tougher, and now we’re excited about the toughest and there’s just a special feeling about this week. Anyone that’s been a part of it would probably agree and not be able to describe it that well, but it’s an exciting time coming off of a tough football game with Iowa. Iowa is a very good team and you knew they were going to play to the whistle and to the final tick on the clock and then some and that’s what they did.”

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Upon Further Review: Iowa & Play-calling

Devin BarclayRight: Devin Barclay boots through a 39-yard game-winning field goal that propelled Ohio State to a 27-24 overtime victory over Iowa. (AP Photo)

With 11:11 remaining to play in the ball game, Ohio State took control after Brandon Saine ran around the left end and down the near-sideline for a 49-yard touchdown scamper that put the Buckeyes ahead 24-10 over then-No. 15 Iowa.

Or so it would appear.

Fifteen seconds later, Iowa’s Derrell Johnson-Koulianos bobbled the kickoff and snatched it up before he raced 99 yards the other way as the Hawkeyes got right back into the game by trimming Ohio State’s lead down to 24-17 on one play.

Ohio State’s head coach Jim Tressel then got real conservative when it came to play-calling and it almost cost the Buckeyes dearly.

On the Buckeyes next possession after the kickoff sailed out-of-bounds and the Hawkeyes were assessed a 15-yard personal foul penalty, Ohio State began at the IU 45 yard line. Tressel called six straight running plays, all to Dan Herron, that netted 15 yards. Even on third-and-9 from the Iowa 28, Tressel still called another running play as Herron was tackled in the backfield for a loss of two. Devin Barclay came on to attempt a 49-yard field goal, but was wide-left.
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